Archive for D/s

A few words on relationships

Posted in Opinions and Articles with tags , , , on November 28, 2010 by ladyadumalevil

Today I’m a little moodier than usual and I stumbled upon a song which seems to fit with my state of mind. I was thinking of relationships, how they begin, how they end and so on. Are D/s relationships or relationships which involve BDSM elements the same? Well, of course they are, at least very similar. They still involve people. Even if some of us might like them more impersonal, a feeling of mutual sympathy and respect still exists. Moreover, not few are the cases when actual love occurred between the partners, who have lived happily ever after.

The steps we take before getting involved with a person are quite the same: we meet, we find out if we have common interests, likes, dislikes. We talk, talk some more, go out again and then maybe we’ll get to the “behind closed doors part”. Then we all go on with our daily lives, but we still talk with our partner and see each other from time to time (or maybe daily, whatever, this storyline is just for fun, it is easily changeable), then suddenly everybody knows we’ve left the  “single” category.  In unfortunate cases, a rapture appears and the two break up; hearts break and wounds heal in time or maybe the the two actually remain friends. Sounds very vanilla up to now, right?

Well, maybe not so vanilla somewhere in-between. As a Dominant or a submissive person, we choose the types of relationships we would like to have with others. We might want long-term relationships or only occasional sessions; we might want to have a typical relationship besides the BDSM one with the same person, or we might just want to stick to the D/s one, not wanting to involve with a partner in a multi-level relationship.  Some choose a D/s relationship as a “parallel life”, when they know that they cannot have this with their spouse, but they know their spouse is the perfect partner from all other points of view.  It’s not easy deciding what you want from life in general, but add BDSM to it and everything just gets more messed up.

From my point of view, the best way to go is to have a long-term BDSM relationship with your partner. Maybe you discovered it together and experimented all kind of things, maybe you met in the scene and decided you were a match, or maybe you wanted it and presented the lifestyle to your partner, “converting” him or her to the ever-moving world of BDSM.  Some might not agree with me, but a relationship needs trust and communication, and these two don’t come in easily. It takes time to get to trust one another and to learn how to tell each other about your desires, fantasies etc. Not to mention that, in time, non-verbal communication occurs and you tend to know what feels good, what doesn’t, what your partner wants and so on without him or her even telling you.  This applies to both D/s relationships (when the partners only meet with this purpose in mind), TPEs and people who have a “BDSM-bedroom” relationship (my own definition for people who are like a vanilla couple all the time and they have a D/s relationship only in the intimacy of their bedroom). So, long-run in the key, at least to my mind!